Reflections on 2016 and Predictions for 2017

For Norman Alex 2016 was a very successful but ultimately frustrating year. At the beginning of the year we predicted that the UK would vote to leave the European Union, that the Chicago Cubs would win the World Series, that Leicester City would win the Premer League, that England would be eliminated from the Euro by Iceland and that Donald Trump would be elected President of the United States. We were going to make our predictions public but ultimately decided to share them with with just a handful of our top clients.

We were also going to put our money where our mouths were and bet significant amounts of money on these events. However we decided that this would be an ethical conflict of interest and kept our wallets closed. Consequently almost all of our clients won huge amounts of money and have now retired leaving us with the obligation to find new clients so we can try to earn some money ourselves. This year therefore we have decided to make public our top five predictions for 2017. Please be warned however that past performance is not an indication of future returns!

1) There will be a major sex scandal involving a senior political figure in the Western world. We know that the person is male, hirsute, overweight, ruddy complexioned and self-opinionated but the crystal ball is a bit cloudy so we’re not yet sure if it’s Donald Trump or Boris Johnson.

2) Vladimir Putin will announce a referendum to confirm himself as President of the Russian Federation for life. He will obtain a 93% vote in favor of of his confirmation. However just after the results are announced he will denounce the CIA for interfering in the campaign because he should have won 98% of the vote.

3) Kim Jong-un will do something very dangerous and silly (again). When China refuses to take any action, President Trump decides to send over Dennis Rodman to negotiate a peace treaty. The dictator accepts giving up his nuclear weapons programme in exchange for the North Korean national basketball team being admitted to the NBA.

4) Teresa May, the UK’s new but unelected prime minister, will resign within the first year of her leadership. At the news conference announcing her resignation she will burst into tears and proclaim “I never voted for damned Brexit in the first place”. She will be replaced by Nigel Farage who will rename the party the GOP and negotiate with President Trump to become the 51st state of the United States.

5) On a lighter and more sporty note, we predict that Leicester City won’t win the Premier League again, that the Chicago Cubs will lose their World Series title, that Nico Rosberg will lose his Formula One crown and that Ronda Rousey won’t be voted “Best Female Athlete Ever” on ESPN. Finally we also predict that one of the top ten ranked male tennis players in the world will do his “coming out” and beat Serena Williams in the Wimbledon ladies final.

We wish all our clients, candidates and partners an Excellent New Year and please think of us if you make a buck or two with our predictions!